Dating trends come and go, each with a moniker almost as ridiculous as its premise is tenuous. Do people still do ‘fleabagging’, or ‘cuffing’ or ‘Harry Styles-ing’? (Okay, I made the last one up.) One dating trend we can believe in, though, is happening right before our eyes on all social channels. Soft launching, the art of slowly and artfully introducing your new relationship to the feed, before it goes WhatsApp-chat official. Everything is content, after all, and what better way to mark your loss of single status than launch a teaser campaign that has pals panting for more? Much more exciting than an awkward round of intros in a noisy bar. Soft launching shares its DNA with another romantic buzzword, slow dating, which according to Naomi Walkland, Head of Bumble UK & Ireland, is on the up since the pandemic took off.
“Two in five people are taking their time to get to know people before taking the next step,” says Walkland. A softly-softly approach to meeting in person, born out of necessity as Covid raged, has now extended to going public. “People are more mindful and intentional about both how they approach dating and progress relationships at their own pace.” As well as give you time to work out just how serious you are, soft launching can help get a commitment-phobe on board and keep things moving forward – either by stealth or gentle persuasion. Sometimes we need a nudge, and if we’re avoiding ‘the talk’, an Insta story can speed the conversation along.
Of course, you’re too switched on to be soft launched, unless it’s happening already. Some signs to look out for:
Abstract photos
Reluctant to pose for a couples’ selfie, you see a lens, you duck, like an A-lister caught somewhere they shouldn’t be. You’re playing right into a soft launcher’s hands. They’ll get creative, directing you to walk away, pull your hood up, obscure your face, so they can snap away. “It’s okay,” they tell you. “You’re not actually in it. It’s just a nice shot.” You look at the pic. You’re a dot, among autumn leaves, or fields of green, or ankle-deep snow; it could be anyone. But that’s the point: it’s someone.
An alternative is introducing you one body part at a time. A sliver of wrist caught in a pic of TWO coffee cups, an overhead shot of TWO pairs of feet, or – the ultimate nightmare – the tip of your nose as you stand in profile, just out of shot while they pretend to take a photo of something in the distance. Baby, you’re a star – you just don’t know it yet.
Personal effects
Truth is, soft launching doesn’t require your physical presence. Evidence of your existence is everywhere. They’ll pose in an item of your clothing, something that obviously isn’t theirs – so a woman might choose a guy’s oversized hoodie or a formal shirt that drowns them, or a gay man might choose something he ordinarily wouldn’t be seen dead in from the back of your wardrobe. A soft launching straight guy might explore his feminine side in a very obvious and out-of-character way – a fluffy dressing gown (spa day!), painting a fingernail, or applying glitter to his cheek, matched with a suitable “no homo” caption, bien-sûr. If all else fails, a selfie in a “mystery flat” is usually enough to get a soft launcher’s DMs pinging like a self-checkout on the fritz – you are that unexpected item in their bagging area.
Crowdsourcing
Search engines have been around decades, but some people crave the buzz of having a butler, and crowdsourcing on socials is a handy soft launching tool. It starts as suggestive but low-key prompts. “Anyone know a cosy restaurant?” or “Suggested songs for a sexy playlist, anyone?” it soon becomes as subtle as a house-brick to the face: “Anyone know any tandems for sale?” or “Any recs for a romantic getaway for two… asking for a friend?” It’s shameless, but it works – the WhatsApp will soon be thrumming like the National Grid during The Masked Singer finale.
The check-in
Do people check in on social media anymore unless it’s a contractual obligation to snare 10% off your meal, or a bargaining tool for a wifi code? Soft launchers do, especially if it’s somewhere romantic, or a place their friends’ own other halves would never take them. Remember, you don’t even have to actively check in yourself, you can be tagged. Complaining about it only makes you look miserable, or like you’ve something to hide.
The green circle
If you're connected to each other on Instagram, and you know they’ve been posting stories, but can’t see them… you’re in the exclusion zone. The ‘close friends’ green circle, or alt account, is getting the good stuff. Now, I don’t want to make it sound like it’s all about you, but there’s a chance you’re being soft launched on the sly. You’re the product, not the audience.
Captions
Cryptic photos can be fun but have limited value. You know how it is, some friends you’d happily team up with on Pointless and others need Post-its on their monitor to remind them to breathe in and out. If their friends aren’t catching on fast enough, a canny soft launcher will take it to captions. Look out for references to “this one” or – you’re really screwed here – “the boy”. This innocuous lingo, a kind of Esperanto for people who think “Live, laugh, love” is an Oscar Wilde quote, is the surest sign your soft launch is about to go hard. The next stage is possessive pronouns, where you go from the boy to my boy, which means face-to-face intros are imminent. This is your last chance to escape.
If you want to keep it locked down…
I get it. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, but don’t want to be fodder for auto-likes in the deafening din of the daily scroll. Be open and honest, don’t make demands or threats to keep them from posting, just explain you’d rather keep it between you, make it stay special, that the social media blackout will be on both sides, and make a pledge to review this stance regularly.
The case for leaning in
Okay, annoying as it might be getting dragged into a public-facing storyline against your will, isn’t there something to be said for just going with it? There’s an opportunity to have fun with this and wind up people you know with increasingly convoluted allusions to ‘someone special’. It can be the perfect in-joke, an extra bonding exercise, and something to look back on fondly once you go public. And maybe your friends and family will be more welcoming if they’ve been whipped up into a frenzy of excitement. A love lived (or laughed) on socials isn’t for everyone but everybody else is doing it – why shouldn’t you?
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November 08, 2021 at 07:12PM
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'Tis the season of the ‘soft launch’ - British GQ
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